Alan’s List.

My father is a man of lists. If he goes shopping, he must have a list. His role as chief-shopper is completely redundant without a piece of paper telling him exactly what to get. I genuinely think that if he got to the shop and discovered that he didn’t have the list, he would turn round and come home again. He has no capability to think outside of the list. For instance, he may have just been in the bathroom and found out that we have no toilet roll in the house. Alas, my mother has forgotten to put it onto the list. Alan goes to the shop, with his list, and his prior knowledge of our lack of toilet paper. He returns from the shop. “Did you get toilet roll Alan?” “…wasn’t on the list.”

My father has a checklist of everything he needs to do with his day. This seems fairly normal, I’ll grant you, but he takes it to infinitesimal detail. Rather than writing “empty the bins” he does the following.

• Empty bin kitchen
• Empty bin dining room
• Empty bin sitting room
• Empty bin bathroom
• Empty bin T’s bedroom
• Empty bin J’s bedroom
• Empty bin main bedroom
• Take bins out

I’m not kidding. Another example is when he arrives home after work. This is a genuine extract which I have just read.

• Shirt in washing bin.
• Hang up coat
• Hang up jacket
• Hang up tie
• Hang up trousers
• Casual gear on
• Clean shoes
• Shoes away
• Slippers on

I have also just read the following pertaining to doing the ironing.

• Ironing board out
• Iron out
• Iron filled
• Iron on
• Iron shirt 1
• Iron shirt 2
• Iron shirt 3
• Iron shirt 4
• (you get the ironing shirt pattern – it goes on)
• Iron empty
• Iron cooled
• Iron put away
• Ironing board put away.

Dad doesn’t like me to read his list because I always end up reading it aloud to the family and nearly wetting myself. I have suggested on a number of occasions that rather than listing out every single action to do with a chore, he just writes down the chore. “Surely, ‘Ironing’ would suffice as a reminder to iron, Dad? Surely you’re not going to forget to do one of the small processes associated with ironing?”

I can just imagine it;

Mum: Alan these shirts look a bit creased. Did you say you ironed them?
Dad: Yes, I did it earlier.
Mum: But the iron’s at the back of the cupboard where I put it yesterday…
Dad: …iron?
Mum: Yes… for the ironing!
Dad: ‘Iron Out’ wasn’t on the list… so I just ironed with the palm of my hand.

He also has a section of his list dedicated to buying and reading the newspaper. As I’m sure you’ve come to suspect, however, it’s broken down into step by step fashion whereby he outlines every section of the newspaper, and every crossword puzzle in the newspaper, and crosses it out once he’s read it. No, seriously.

However, the purpose of my blog entry today, after what has been months and months, is the fact that I have found a new and even more obsessive behaviour. For some time now I’ve known that when he reads a book, he adds all of the chapters to his list, and ticks them off when he’s read them. I believe he’s also created a page number system, as well as a percentage completion system. Today, however, dad was chopping logs in the garden for our log store. His list has a new section entitled “Log Chops”, whereby he has been counting how many chops he has been doing as he’s been going along, and is adding it to his list.

• Log chops; 50 – DONE
• Log Chops; 100 – DONE
• Log Chops; 150 – DONE

He then counts all of the tasks that he has shaded as being complete, and works out the percentage of his tasks that he’s completed. He then shades out the percentage that he has done so far at the back of his list.

If I ever do anything that even marginally resembles this, then I am counting on you, dearest reader to do the following;

• Buy gun
• Buy bullets
• Drive to James’ house (See itemised directions, including gear changes, indication, and mirror checks)
• Get gun from boot.
• Load gun
• Cock gun
• Shoot James in the temple.
• Percentage complete – 100% dead.

Thank you so much.

Watch This…

I have a video for you to watch! Aren’t you lucky? It’s a song by a band called Taxi Joe. I actually work with Joe at Uniqlo! So have a look!

Coats…

I haven’t blogged in about 5 years. Mainly because I have nothing interesting to write, and also because I’m a bit careful with my free time now, as it is no longer limitless (p.s. work sucks). However, this is obviously an emergency because of the fact that I’m struggling to decide what coat to buy and need some outside assistance! I’m going to New York in January and obviously I need a fantastic coat, so I can look wonderful and chique! I want a military-style coat. I look fat without structure, and I like buttons, so it’s a nice coincidence that this year’s winter style is apparently military. Normally I wouldn’t give a goat crap about that, but still… New York!!

Anyway, I’ve been looking online this evening, and have found a few. Realistically speaking, NY in January is going to be colder than a witch’s nipple so I should be getting a nice long coat. I do have one that I bought a few years back, by Racing Green, but it’s way too big on me. Also, it doesn’t have lots of pretty buttons.,which are obviously vital for protection from the chilly conditions… right?

Here are the ones I’m looking at currently. The first two are short coats, which originally I wasn’t looking at, but these two are really lovely.

 

£84.99 from River Island

Also £84.99 from River Island

I love the first one because it has a lot of buttons on it. This is due to the fact that I have a button fetish. (Joke… ish) I also love the epaulettes on the shoulders. On the second I love the button panel, and also the sleeve design, but I think I’m leaning more towards the first. Not sure.

However, I think I’d prefer to get a long coat this year, and I’ve found a couple of similar ones in Burtons. There’s only £5 difference in the price, but again I can’t decide between the two.

 

£95 from Burton

£90 from Burton

I love the buttons on the second coat, and I also love the pockets, but I think the first on is a better shape for me, as it comes in at the waist a bit more. However, I’m not sure what the colour would be like in person. To me it looks a sandy/beige colour, but it’s described as grey on the website, and I wouldn’t really want a grey that light. I do prefer the shoulders on that coat, but I think I’d need to see it in person.

Anyway, which long coat is your favourite, and which short coat?

Also, I’d really like a nice blazer. I have no clue what I’d wear it with, but I want one nonetheless. Here are three I like.

 

£65 by Selected, at Asos

£80 by Asos

£80 from River Island

Again, I love all three. The first, I love the white piping, and the fit, as well as the fact that it’s £15 cheaper than the other two. The second I love the pockets, and the piping, and the third… I think I’ve changed my mind on the third now… so the first or the second.

Anyway, what are your opinions? HELP!

So…

…I haven’t written anything on here for ages. I suck. In news, I have a job. It’s not a proper job, though. I work in a shop four days a week, as a Customer Sales Advisor. The hours are a bit unsociable, as on the early shifts I have to start at seven, three hours before the shop opens, and on the late shifts I finish at eleven if I’m lucky, so that kind of sucks. But ultimately it’s money, and it’s going to make my CV look a bit better than in currently does, which is kind of essential if I want to get anywhere in life…

Speaking of getting places, in January I’m heading off to New York for 6 days with my friends. I’m actually ridiculously excited to go and have cocktails, go shopping, see the sites, use dollars, and generally be a massively clichéd tourist. I’m planning on being extra especially English. I’m nervous in some ways though. Mainly because I want to be able to do the best things, and fit in nicely. I’ve even looked up how much you’re expected to tip people in New York. Twenty percent for the waiters!! I’ll not enjoy that part! Haha. But it’ll be massively exciting and I can’t wait. We’re staying in The Edison, which is a kind of Art Deco, 1930s-feel hotel. It’s not the best in the world, but the location is ideal for everything we want to do. I think it’s on Broadway, or just off it, and really close to Times Square.

It’s going to be so cold though, but I’m looking forward to being able to wrap up all warm and look fabulous with my many many scarves! Packing is going to be an absolute mission! I love the fact that I’m so excited that I’m thinking of what to pack already!

In other news, I’ve lost over half a stone! I think it’s about ten pounds, or five/six kilograms, so I’m pretty happy about that! I want to be lovely and slim in New York, so that the creators of Sex And The City will spot me and create a show for me… that’s realistic… right? Right?! But yeh, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but I can’t see where from. Maybe my arm fell off and I didn’t realise, because I still think I look exactly that same. Anyway, I thought I ought to check back in, even if it is just a bit of a description, and not very interesting for anyone but me! Haha.

Six6Six.

No, no. I’ve not suddenly become a fan of the occult, and devil-worship. It’s just a coincidence, I promise. It’s a little challenge that I’ve stolen once again from here, whereby you have to go to your pictures, find the sixth folder, and post the sixth picture from that folder., then write what the picture means to you. You then have to challenge 6 people, but I can’t be bothered with that, so anyone who wants to do it can just copy me if they want to.

The problem with the challenge is that I have 64 albums on my computer, and it might end up that I get a random picture of a tree or a Scottish loch, which wouldn’t be all that massively interesting, unless you’re massively into trees, and natural water features… which of course you all are, so there’s no need to worry! Anyway, onwards.

Thankfully, neither a tree, or a loch! This is a picture from summer 2009, when I went to visit my friends Sarah, and Tash in Cambridge. In the photo are myself, and one of my best friends Kayleigh and it was taken just after we arrived at Sarah’s house, on her decking. To me, the photo brings back some wonderful memories, because I had an absolutely amazing couple of days. We went around Cambridge like proper tourists, going on the punts down the river, and taking pictures. It was a beautiful day and I had the best time. We’d wanted to repeat it this year, but for whatever reason we weren’t able to. We will do though! I haven’t seen any of them since graduation and I miss them LOADS!

So, that was my sixth photo, from my sixth album!

Oh I Wish I Was Him!!

I’ve watched this video about 4 times in the last half hour. Every time I like to pretend that it’s me playing. I’ve been subscribed to Kyle Landry for about a year now, and he is a massively, massively talented pianist. Go and subscribe, and look through his videos, because they are breathtaking. This is his cover of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, and it is absolutely stunning. It gets better and better and better.

I wish I was him so so badly.

Check out the button below! Click it! Go on! Colourful rainbow explosions happen!! …or it re-tweets my post. Whatever.

This Is Shameless Stealing…

…but imitation is the best form of flattery.

I have stolen this idea from THIS BLOG RIGHT HERE. Go and check it out.

Basically, you post a little something every day for a month. I probably won’t do it that frequently, but it’ll always be something to come back to if I get totally stuck for any other ideas! Here’s the list!

Day 01 – A fun fact about yourself that no one would ever guess.
Day 02 – Something that inspires you.
Day 03 – The five songs you would have with you on a desert island and why.
Day 04 – What you imagine paradise to be like.
Day 05 – A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life.
Day 06 – Earliest thing you can remember.
Day 07 – Favorite cover of your favorite song.
Day 08 – Someone you think would make a good president.
Day 09 – Five things you want to see change.
Day 10 – A dream you had this past week described in detail.
Day 11 – Favorite picture ever taken of yourself.
Day 12 – An inside joke.
Day 13 – A memory that never fails to make you laugh.
Day 14 – Best mashup you’ve ever heard.
Day 15 – A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most.
Day 16 – Something that you want to do within the next five years.
Day 17 – What you want to remembered for.
Day 18 – A picture that makes you feel inspired.
Day 19 – A passage from a book that has touched you.
Day 20 – A band that you immediately liked and the song that made you like them.
Day 21 – Your favorite medium of art.
Day 22 – Someone you would give your life up for without question.
Day 23 – Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve ever given.
Day 24 – Something you did as a child that other people remember you for.
Day 25 – Something you would do if you knew you wouldn’t fail.
Day 26 – Your definition of love.
Day 27 – Your definition of the meaning of life.
Day 28 – A moment you remember being completely happy.
Day 29 – What you live for.
Day 30 – Ways you believe you have grown over the past thirty days.

SO!

Day 1 – I guess I should get started now, and say a fun fact about me that no-one would guess…

…I performed at the Royal Albert Hall with Alexandra Burke. That makes it sound like we did a duet, which is how I like to tell the story. Realistically though, I was in a choir at a charity event, but nonetheless, we performed on the same stage at the same time, so that totally counts. Haha.

Today I…

I’ve had a little bright spark of inspiration. Well, I say inspiration, but in order to class something as such I suppose it has to yield a certain good result. Therefore, this probably can’t be described as inspiration, but a spur of the moment, flash-in-the-pan idea. Oh well. Let’s flipping go with it, shall we?

Today I…

Today I look…

...worn out.

Today I went…

...to the gym. That's me, by the way.

Today I hated…

...the weather.

Today I loved…

...The Owl Killers, despite it's dosy name. Read it.

Today I smell like…

...Davidoff Cool Water. Yum.

Today I ate…

...this Obama toast. Mine had blackcurrant jam on though. It was Obamalicious.

Today I drank…

...a cup of tea. This was before I put my face on.

Today I feel…

...like this hoppy bunny.

And that is my idea.It’s probably been someone elses idea already, but I promise I didn’t know about it! Haha. In future, I’ll aim to take my own pictures, unless I find something funny. Feel free to steal, but let me know so I can read it!

Song of the Week

This week there’s a lot of competition for my favourite song. Before the weekend I didn’t have a clear winner, but one of my prospective choices meant more to me after the weekend. Most of the possibilities were from Automatic Loveletter‘s new album Truth or Dare, although there were a few others, such as Slow Dance With A Stranger by Danger Radio and Made Up Stories by Go:Audio. I’d recommend going and listening to both of them.

My song of the week this week though is the first track from Automatic Loveletter‘s album, which I liked initially but didn’t love. After a few more listens where I’ve taken in the lyrics it’s become one of my favourites on the album.

Song of the Week; Heart Song – Automatic Loveletter

I’m in love with it at the moment. Mainly because I’m currently liking shouting along to the chorus. What do you think? If you didn’t see me review of their album Truth or Dare, then go and have a read of that too. You can find it here! And have a listen to my suggested songs.

Automatic Loveletter – Truth or Dare

I suck at writing positive music reviews. I’m only really good at absolutely slating something into the ground; I suppose that’s because I’ve had more practice at insults than I have at compliments, which is a little worrying for my eternal soul, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. As such, this review for Automatic Loveletter‘s Truth or Dare is going to be absolutely shit, which is a good thing for them, but not a good thing for you. Sorry.

This album is REALLY good. Juliet Simms has a really amazing, raw voice. She probably doesn’t have the range of Hayley Williams, or the rock steady control of her voice, but it’s more edgy and rough, which is sounds brilliant. If you like big ballads which break into powerful, emotional choruses then you’ll love this album. It’s full of the type of songs that make your skin prickle when it gets to the chorus. I think that’s the best way of explaining it.

I have to admit, having been a massive fan of their EP Recover, I was expecting big things, because I felt that they had a bigger range of songs than they show on this album. It’s lacking a truly stripped down, vulnerable song, which is perfect for Simms’ voice, which can be seen from her work on All Time Low‘s Remembering Sunday. Previously, the song Hush delivered on that aspect, but its reincarnation on this album has resulted in something far more slick in its production, which takes away from the overall impact of the song and its lyrics. Having said that, I still love the song, but I think that the old version had a bigger impact. I also think that they could stand to have a few songs that are a bit harder in their sound or a bit more upbeat, because again this would suit her voice, and would add another dimension.

Despite that, there are still so many brilliant songs on the album. The opening track Heart Song is fantastic and powerful, which shows off the less melodic and more rock-driven side to the band. It’s a brilliant, lively start to the album. Hush still stands out as a brilliant song, and is followed by Story of My Life, which is a truly fantastic song with a chorus that I’m hooked on. The Day That Saved Us is also a very good track, but I think with a lot of the tracks I forget the verses and it’s only the choruses where they really shine. The album ends on a fantastic note though, with Back To Life, which is a beautiful track.

Songs to Google
(…or Youtube?)

• Heart Song
• Hush (new and old though, so you can hear the difference)
• Story Of My Life
• The Day That Saved Us
• To Die For (even if part of it sounds massively like Boys Like Girls’ Five Seconds to Midnight)
• My Goodbye
• Back To Life

Overall, I think that Truth Or Dare is a fantastic album. If I hadn’t had prior expectations based on what I already had heard of the band then I think I would have liked the album even more. I think that it’s a great debut, but that they are capable of being absolutely outstanding. Even so I would definitely recommend buying this album, and Automatic Loveletter are clearly going to be big.